I’ve never settled for “good enough”. I was taught to reach for the skies, encouraged to aim for the stars, and then consoled that even if I missed, at least I will land amongst the clouds.
For most of my life, that worked out pretty well.
I had a happy childhood, with a loving family and loyal friends, and many good memories. I went off to study in utopian places, secured work in dynamic locations, and lived many smiling chapters in my twenties. I was a good girl and I was surrounded by good people. I worked hard and played hard. I continued to reach for the skies and the stars, and sometimes got lucky, and sometimes not, but either way, the clouds always caught my falls.
Until the day they didn’t.
The day I tied the knot. I was promised starry skies (and rainbows, and glitter, and all of that), but it didn’t quite turn out that way. I navigated the exhausting smokescreen for many years, hoping against hope that I could still reach up above and maybe come across a couple of stars to salvage within what was quickly brewing into twisted, grey, stormy skies. I kept my hopes up and weathered the persistent storm for the coming years and was gifted two precious stars – my little boys (the light of my life) – but the skies never brightened. And I couldn’t keep reaching up anymore. I was tired and deflated, so I started to fall. I desperately tried to find some clouds to catch me, but they weren’t around. These falls were the hardest ones I’ve had to take in my entire life. Not just because they happened so often or they wouldn’t seem to stop, but because they were just so painful. I hit rock bottom when I lost the clouds, believing I won’t ever be cushioned the way I had been before.
Until the day I got out.
It was only after leaving that I realised my life is worth so much more than constantly surviving stormy skies and cloudless falls. Angry skies and starless nights were never part of my background; so why allow it to stay at my frontline? No, it was enough.
I have always lived my life with hopes, dreams, and faith, and I couldn’t allow these dark years to take away the light within me.
I remind myself now that “good enough” was never part of my vocabulary, that the sky is still the limit, that stars are always within reach (I just have to give my boys a big cuddle to remind myself I have all the stars I need right next to me), and if I will it so, the clouds will come back and catch me. Despite the fears, the concerns, the not-so-well-wishers, and the ones waiting to see me fall, I have to believe I am worth so much more than this.
This, I’ve always known: It was never enough for me to just survive. I want to thrive.
This blog is the beginning of my journey to re-open the skies, re-discover the stars, and re-attempt some new leaps of faith. This blog is to remind me that there are always ways to thrive, even when you’re fighting hard just to survive.