My Female Tribe.

“Someone once described female friendship to me as a soft place to land, and it was. The women I love are like a life raft I didn’t know I was looking for before I got on it.” — Text Me When You Get Home: The Evolution and Triumph of Modern Female Friendship by Kayleen Schaefer

Today, I had an amazingly sun-kissed breakfast with my beautiful NZ bestie to celebrate my 35th birthday. I didn’t notice the time fly by (but that’s how it is when we get together) and I’m still floating from the euphoria of our time spent together. Of course we see each other every day, but still, every meeting is filled with nonstop talk, laughs, and giggles. It was the best way to welcome my birthday, especially this year.

After I got home, I couldn’t help but think about all the hands I’ve held and the shoulders I’ve leaned on, through the years, from a little girl to a grown woman, to get to where I am today. Not surprisingly, these were female hands and female shoulders. My mother, my sister, my aunts, my school besties, my college friends, my co-workers, and my lady friends post-marriage and post-separation. You all know who you are. These female friendships have kept me afloat for 35 years; they have carried me through the eye of the storms, encouraged me to find the light at the end of every tunnel, and persistently stayed by my side through it all – good, bad, and everything in between. The reason I am here today, still smiling, still working hard, still hoping, is because they haven’t allowed me to lose sight of my goals, give up my dreams, or ever forget my true worth. I’m a strong woman, yes, but I’ve been made stronger by my female tribe.

It’s a pity that mainstream media insists on pitting women against each other (Means Girl style; women pulling each other down through vicious catfights and manipulative backstabbing for the sake of being Queen Bee)… because this isn’t what most female friendships are about. The claws don’t always come out, and believe it or not, we are not all interested in fighting over men. There has been so much negative attention on the relational aspects of women and female friendships that I often wonder if there is a hidden agenda to dethrone the innate solidarity of feminine connection in order to protect the masculine power. It really is unfortunate, because women provide strong pillars of support not just to their children, their partners, their families, but more so for their fellow women. There is nobody else who can understand a woman’s joys, sorrows, fears, and desires, better than another woman. That is precisely where the core of female friendships exists – within the folds of our different, and yet intricately similar, realities. And this exquisite connection must be recognized and celebrated, not shunned and defiled.

The collective strength of women lies in the beauty of these female friendships, where we help each other stay on course and cheer ourselves past the finish lines.

On my 35th birthday today, I want to say a big thank you for all the beautiful women who have entered my life and captured a space within my heart. You have all played a tremendously significant part in getting me to where I am today, and making me who I am on my 35th birthday. You have seen me through the finish line, and I know you will continue to cheer me on as I dare greatly to approach many more “finish lines” in my future. Thank you for being so kind, loving all of me in a way that is nonjudgmental, wholesome, and complete. Thank you for your encouragement, gently pushing me to ride out even the most tiresome waves without going under. Thank you for letting me be a part of your life story, learning from your wisdom and growing from your inspiration.

And, most of all, thank you for always believing in me. Because if you didn’t, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t either.



25 thoughts on “My Female Tribe.

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  1. Happy birthday Sindhuja! I feel you on the confusion over media pitting women against each other and the thoughts on possiblity of a hidden agenda. I am sure that we, women know that female friendships are so much more than what media has represented. On a side note, today (Aug. 24th) is also my daughters birthday. ๐Ÿ™‚ Cheers!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Happy 35th!

    Great post. Especially fascinating in light of the fact women’s friendships seem to be an under-explored subject. Tons gets published each year about men’s friendships, but I noticed some years ago when I got interested in women’s friendships how comparatively little there was on the subject.

    I have heard it said that men tend to bond mainly through doing things together (I will attest to the truth of that, by the way), but that women tend to bond mainly through sharing secrets with each other. That I don’t know for sure, but it has seemed to play a role in my bonds with my female friends. We seem to come closer to each other when we learn a few of each other’s secrets.

    From my readings about matriarchies, I have become convinced they benefit the vast majority of both men and women. Patriarchies typically benefit only about 2% of the male population, but matriarchies seem to benefit about 98% of the total population.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you, Paul, for the wishes and the comment! As always, it has added much value to my post. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Matriarchies are powerful in a way that nurtures and uplifts everyone; patriarchies, for the most part, seem to work only in favor of promoting a few men while controlling the rest of the group, men or women. The world would be a better place if left in the care of women, and women would serve that position well if they bonded together and used their strong feminine connectivity to get results!


      1. Were I forced to pick between a matriarchy and a patriarchy, I’d pick a matriarchy every time. I suspect, however, that there’s some magical blend which would suite me better than either. Just a hunch.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Happy Birthday! I have always read and heard that women are never friends and they harbour an inherent jealousy through the camaraderie, which definitely is untrue. And like all the comments suggest it’s a patriarchal mindset at play.

    Thank you for the post ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  4. First of all, I wish you a belated Happy Birthday! Secondly, I totally agree – women are wonderful! I really love this post. I am blessed to have three wonderful, compassionate, generous, and supportive sisters and many sisters of the heart – those women who are not my siblings, but are my sisters nevertheless. I don’t know how I would have survived life’s trials and tribulations without them. And, quite honestly, I have known very, very few “catty” women. I think you are spot on!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Happy belated birthday! I definitely hear you on the value of female friendships! I think I’d feel incredibly lonely without my female tribe, because as you said, women understand what other women go through. It’s so nice to be able to sit down with my girl friends and feel the camaraderie.

    I think it’s amazing that you get to see your best friend every day, especially as an adult! How do you make that possible?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your wishes and lovely comment! Iโ€™m glad so many of us share these beautiful female friendships. They are indeed a gift. ๐Ÿ™‚

      I have a few different best friends, gathered from various chapters of my life, and even if they arenโ€™t all with me physically, we stay in regular touch. ๐Ÿ™‚ And the ones who I am fortunate enough to see in person, I make the most of it!

      Liked by 1 person

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